8/2/2023 0 Comments Empathic listeningNaming an emotion can soothe the nervous system and help kids to find their way back from big feelings. What can you share with him that he can put in his mouth?’ Their actions might be messy and their words might be unhelpful, but their feelings behind them will be valid. ‘You’re worried he’s going to ruin your hat. Rather than responding to the situation, ‘he won’t hurt your hat’, try responding to the feelings. Now he’s putting it in his mouth, ‘like with spit and everything’. When emotional things happen, it won’t help to be logical or to try to explain the unreasonableness of what they are feeling. For example, a baby brother has ‘stolen’ a very important hat – the one with Elsa on it. Respond to the feelings behind the behaviour. Respond to the feelings behind the words.There is a sweet relief that will come when they realise that you ‘get’ them. What your child needs more than anything is to feel heard. Once you have the information, share it with your child, in a gentle, non-judgemental way. Use your eyes to notice their body language, gestures or facial expressions, your ears to hear their words your imagination try to see things from where they are and your heart – you already have a deep connection with your child and you know them child better than anyone – use your heart to get a sense of what they might be feeling. Open up to all of the information that’s coming to you.Įmpathetic listening involves collecting whatever information you need to tune into your child’s experience. Once your child feels heard, there is a clear way forward for dialogue and any lessons that need to be learned. The aim is to understand what your child is feeling. Here are the basic principles for empathetic listening. When this happens, they’ll be open to your wisdom and your guidance, and to learning the lessons that all kids need to learn. When they feel your love, warmth and understanding, the big feelings that are breathing to life inside them will start to ease. The idea is that when they feel closer to you and more understood, your capacity to guide them and to be heard by them is expanded. This doesn’t mean that you’ll approve of how they’ve expressed themselves. When you listen empathetically, the connection between you and your child will deepen, as will their budding self-awareness. What is empathetic listening?Įmpathetic listening involves tuning in to what your child is feeling. This is where empathetic listening is gold. There is something more important than understanding the situation, and that’s understanding how they feel about it. Their experiences might not always make logical sense, but they don’t need to (cue the distress at discovering there’s no Dory in Dory yoghurt). The key lies in trying to understand what your child is experiencing. When your child is broken-hearted, furious, or confused, empathetic listening can help you to break through. As with so much of life, the best way to learn is often in the midst of the mess. As draining and as maddening as these situations can be, they are rich with the lessons that all kids need to learn to be healthy, capable, thriving adults. The opportunities will often be hidden in big feelings, tantrums, resistance, tears, tempers, frustration, anxiety, sadness, jealousy, confusion. Opportunities for empathetic listening will present themselves all the time, but they won’t always present themselves gently. So much to learn!>Empathetic listening is a powerful way to build this emotional awareness in children, open them up to your guidance and grow their emotional intelligence. It’s why the apprenticeship towards adulthood starts at the small human stage and lasts decades. A big part of this involves being aware of how we feel and how others feel, and managing those feelings to preserve relationships and satisfy needs. None of us were born knowing how to do this. Being able to respond and interact with the world whole-heartedly is fuel for flight and healthy living.
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